One of my guilty pleasures in life is watching Judge Judy. I love her no-nonsense, common sense approach to life, and respect how hard she has worked to get where she is today. Please don't judge me too harshly she is an intelligent lady with some interesting points of view - I promise!
Her book, 'Beauty Fades, Dumb is Forever: The Making of a Happy Woman' opens with an introduction that says, "I think I am somewhat of an expert on why women make stupid choices." She certainly has an experience many of us do not. Years working in a family court, along side her more recent TV experiences have shown her what happens when relationships break down. Judge Judy Sheindlin explains, "I've seen what lack of self worth does to people, especially to women. Women put themselves in bad business situations, and they tolerate demoralising and demeaning conditions. They don't choose their mates, they allow themselves to be chosen. They stay in relationships that are untenable, with men who are physically and emotionally abusive. They defer to men, because they doubt their own self worth."
She goes on to list her 'rules' (which I have paraphrased in my own words):
1) Beauty fades, dumb is forever - we shouldn't allow ourselves to be defined by our how we look.
2) Don't crawl when you can fly - do not hide a talent, or keep hidden a strength for fear of being seen as less feminine. Be all you can be.
3) What goes up must come down - do not believe the myth that sex is power. Giving a man what he wants in the bedroom will not secure what you want from him the rest of the time. Treat your body as a temple.
4) Denial is a river in Egypt - quite a controversial one from Judge Judy here - basically if you are being abusived, physically and/or mentally stop excusing or denying it. Don't be a victim.
5) Master the game and then play it - learn the rules of how to succeed in the workplace and then do it.
6) You're the trunk of the tree - women hold together communities and families all over the world but can only do this if they are strong in themselves. Take time to care for yourself as well as others.
7) You can't teach the bull to dance - you cannot change your partner.
8) Failure doesn't build character - we need to give our girls a chance to succeed so they can develop confidence in their ability to shine.
9) Letting go is half the fun - you have to be able to let your children go, don't love your life through your children.
10) You can be the hero of your own story - life is what you make it. Whatever age you are, you are in control of how your life is - make it fabulous!
Judge Judy isn't for everyone, but she is someone who believes in empowering women - to not put up with any less than they deserve. I don't have any statistics, but it is noticable that it is mostly women suing men on her court TV show. Women who loan men (often loser men, jobless and ambitionless etc) money and then are surprised when they get nothing back. It is rare to see it the other way round (yes it happens, but in the hundreds of shows I see there is a definite trend). Judge Judy has even commented on the fact. Are they wanting to save them? Do they somehow believe the men will become so grateful and dependent on the women that he will never leave? Do the words 'I love you' really allow some women to lose all sense of rational thought?
Judge Judy has said that she doesn't connect to the term 'feminist' but she certainly has a lot to say about it! The piece of advice I hear her give the most? Never co-sign for someone's credit. Never have a shared bank account unless you are married. Never loan money without a written contract. Oh, and never co-sign for someone's credit.
Friday 30 April 2010
What sort of feminist am I?
I will be honest with you. I am not educated in 'feminism'. I have not read the books nor am I am aware of the key articles I should have read. However, I have always held strong opinions on how I have allowed myself to be treated, and how I see my friends allow others to treat them. My ideas focus largely on the self esteem of women, of how we allow people who 'love' us to treat us, as this is where my passion for female empowerment comes from.
While I googled around for my blog title I came across this article, Feminine Feminism by Laura Wadsworth, which has summarises so much of what I think about being a 'new' feminist.
She opens her article with, "I like pink. I like boys. I get excited over lipstick names - but I'm still a feminist." I know many hold a stereotype of what a feminist looks like, but I fail to see how what I wear defines my beliefs about women. I put effort into how I dress. I won't leave the house without make-up. I love red lipstick. Does this somehow mean I am not a feminist?
"Some people may argue that being girly is only a way of attracting males, thus becoming male dependant - and where's the equality in that? But wanting to feel feminine, to me, is a means of self-confidence." Now, I won't even go to the corner shop without eyeliner, mascara and blusher. I just prefer how I look and it makes me feel good. It gives me a spring in my step, and makes me happy to hold my head up high. Should I feel this way without make-up? Perhaps, but I don't, so where is the harm? Personally I don't see any.
"Surely this is modern feminism: being proud of our gender and not taking any stick from males, without being anti-men" Wadsworth pretty much sums up my stance with this sentence. I'm not anti-men. But I'm sick of how so many women seem to allow themselves to be treated by men.
The F Word, with the by-line 'Contemporary Uk Feminism' has an interesting article, Pink 'n' Mix Feminism
describes the differet 'types' of feminism. It lists radical feminists, goddess feminists, second wave and third wave feminists, new wave/power feminists and pop feminist/feminist lite. Catherine Redfern does note of course that there are other types of feminists who don't fit into these neat boxes. Redfern describes herself as a pick 'n' mix feminist, which is something I can relate to. I'm not yet comfortable to label myself as a definite sort of feminist, and perhaps never will be.
While I googled around for my blog title I came across this article, Feminine Feminism by Laura Wadsworth, which has summarises so much of what I think about being a 'new' feminist.
She opens her article with, "I like pink. I like boys. I get excited over lipstick names - but I'm still a feminist." I know many hold a stereotype of what a feminist looks like, but I fail to see how what I wear defines my beliefs about women. I put effort into how I dress. I won't leave the house without make-up. I love red lipstick. Does this somehow mean I am not a feminist?
"Some people may argue that being girly is only a way of attracting males, thus becoming male dependant - and where's the equality in that? But wanting to feel feminine, to me, is a means of self-confidence." Now, I won't even go to the corner shop without eyeliner, mascara and blusher. I just prefer how I look and it makes me feel good. It gives me a spring in my step, and makes me happy to hold my head up high. Should I feel this way without make-up? Perhaps, but I don't, so where is the harm? Personally I don't see any.
"Surely this is modern feminism: being proud of our gender and not taking any stick from males, without being anti-men" Wadsworth pretty much sums up my stance with this sentence. I'm not anti-men. But I'm sick of how so many women seem to allow themselves to be treated by men.
The F Word, with the by-line 'Contemporary Uk Feminism' has an interesting article, Pink 'n' Mix Feminism
describes the differet 'types' of feminism. It lists radical feminists, goddess feminists, second wave and third wave feminists, new wave/power feminists and pop feminist/feminist lite. Catherine Redfern does note of course that there are other types of feminists who don't fit into these neat boxes. Redfern describes herself as a pick 'n' mix feminist, which is something I can relate to. I'm not yet comfortable to label myself as a definite sort of feminist, and perhaps never will be.
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